summer

By Carly Floyd

8/30/10

summer

endless days and night

borderless

season of freedom

of unhurried bliss

full of everything and nothing

seeming so eternal

like these days of sun

will just go on forever

but in just one day

these days of no restrictions end

and yet

this blue sky has never looked so bright

Sigh of Summer

By Carly Floyd

8/30/10

Season of the sun

Of long days in golden light

Of emerald grass, laying on a hill

Watching clouds go by in a clear blue sky

Walking barefoot down the street

Yelling, laughing, getting burned by the hot asphalt.

Season of freedom

Of reading by the pool,

Of bonfires that go well into the night,

Eating smores and telling stories.

Of beaches, and digging your toes into the sand.

Of travel.

Of driving with windows rolled down,

Singing along with the radio.

Carefree summer mind has no notion of time

Or reason

And end is inconcievable

So why

Can't we go on as if this will last forever?

Letting Go

By Carly Floyd

4/12/10

Everyone moving forward

Blurs from where I'm standing

Parting around me,

A river

Me, a rock to halt the waters

Divert them

If only for a moment.

People changing

Moving on from here

While I remain unchanged

Just the same.

Around me, laughter

Talk of plans

Of new places

For their fresh new faces.

And me

I sit

In the same corner as always

Afraid

I want to hold them here

And go on like this forever

But they are moving forward

With me still in my corner

Afraid to get up,

And change

But I know, secretly,

That soon I'll have to let them go.

Summer Sky

By Carly Floyd

6/9/10

In the stifling heat of summer

Newly come

Not yet accustomed to the dry sun

And so all the more unbearable,

I sit

In a dark house, crumbling around me

Windows open, trying to catch

The nonexistent breeze

Through the open window,

The broken screen,

I see a square of pure blue sky

Without a cloud anywhere,

So bright it hurts my eyes.

And I sit there, staring out

Wanting to go outside, and see more

Where my view is inhibited

But the thought, lazy and slow in this heat,

Passes by unnoticed.

And I sit, watching the day go by.

Freshman Year

By Carly Floyd

6/9/10

This building

How many times have I sat,

Staring at the clock, waiting to go home?

How many times have I sat here,

walked there,

done that?

This routine is so deeply embedded.

I feel I could go on forever this way.

(If I could fit forever in a day)

Hey

It seems like only yesterday we talked of that

Was it last month the ceiling fell?

Or I fell in the hallway from laughing so much.

So many memories of thus year

So many laughs, and pictures

So many firsts.

So many people I got to know, to talk to.

I have all of these things in my mind,

I carry them with me.

But now

Now I have to leave, and it will be months

Months until I next see this place, these people.

But I will have changed.

And some things will be gone forever.

So, bittersweet, I go.

Looking back at my school, I say goodbye.

And for better or worse,

Here comes the summer.

Dream

By Carly Floyd

6/5/10

Dream

Fragile Dream

Fragile random idle thought

Born in sleep

Darkened mind

Darkened realm of hidden want

I see

Everything

Every twisting path to take

Then I wake

Tragically

To find that all of it was fake

2 AM

By Carly Floyd

8/19/10

Baby it's 2 in the morning again

We're both tired but neither of us giving in...

I'm sorry for the things I said

But hey

You hurt me too.

And I know I'm a hypocrite,

Asking you to keep the past the past

Cause I can't forget what you said either.

And right now

All I wanna do is chuck the phone at the wall.

Here we go with the threats,

The mindgames.

I'm getting fucking sick of falling into this pattern hun.

But what can we do?

We're both too damn stubborn to wanna fix this.

And it's always times like these when I wonder if we even should.

But the pain in my chest

And the emptiness in my heart

And the tears in my eyes

Remind me why we go through this every night.

I love you...

Can we move past this now?

You

By Carly Floyd

8/15/10

Since I met you,

Barely two months ago,

My life has exploded into color.

No longer an endless landscape

Of gray, stretching boredom.

But something more.

Something wonderful and new.

Something you.

Once, I know,

I was hardly happy with simple things.

But now, you've changed everything.

Now, just knowing you exist.

That you're here holding me...

That's enough.

That's what I need.

And now I know what I can't live without.

Bath

By Carly Floyd

4/14/10

Draw a bath

And sink into the warm water

No, not warm, hot

Almost boiling, but

I am cold.

I lay there,

Trying to bring heat to my body.

Thinking about the shouts and arguments

Of nights crying myself to sleep

The things that mark the passing of time

Of existence.

I sink under the water

Trying to wash the tears off my face and

For the first time

I seriously consider -

Should I stay under?

Let my family find me dead, maybe

My corpse would cause them pain.

Make them feel guilt.

Would it be like falling asleep?

No - I know

Drowning is a terrible way to go

Suffocation, and death throes

As water floods your lungs

So I rise, and inhale

Lament

Not even death can come easy to me

So as the water grows cold

I rise, dry off

Drain the tub

And prepare to face the world outside the door

Leaving

Carly Floyd

5/22/10

Leaving home, leaving family and friends behind

And not knowing what to expect

Is hard.

But reaching my destination I realize

No one knows me here

Here I am not the quiet, shy girl

Here I am not alone in being smart.

In fact, most are smarter, thoughtful.

I made friends quickly

And grew.

Came out of my shell.

Laughed and smiled.

People noticed.

Then the week came to an end and I

I had to leave it all behind

My new confidence

My new love of life

My new self

I had to come back

Where everyone knows me as who I was

And not the outgoing person I have become.

Memories are all I have

Not even pictures.

And I know those friends I made

I will never see again.

Because at some point

We all have to go back home.

My Goodbyes

By Carly Floyd

5/21/10

I'm flying high above the world

My home somewhere far below

And yours even farther

Somewhere

Below the clouds

There is life

There is you.

From here, I feel I can escape

And go anywhere

But after all,

Everything must land.

Even me.

So goodbye to all I've left to leave

Paola, Kassy, Evelyn, Amy, Steve

Goodbye to workshop 4

Goodbye to Brynn and the Chopper

Goodbye to history

And to not being the smartest.

Goodbye to room 251

Goodbye to Washington

Goodbye to Close Up

Goodbye

Goodbye me.

The Fall

By Carly Floyd

5/21/10

High above the clouds

A fall like this would kill me, kill me

End me

But out the window of the plane

I see it

Falling through the blue

From the sky

Plummeting

And maybe then I could forget myself

My petty problems

To just have my whole world

Depend on how far gravity could take me.

How long?

How long until I hit?

Maybe I could catch a cloud

And sleep on the white

And live in the sky forever,

above even the birds.

But sooner or later,

you have to come back to earth.

And the fall

Would be beautiful, no?

Forget

Carly Floyd

3/29/10

Slip into the stupor

The endless black in my head

Unfocus my eyes

And detach

Sinking

(Flying?)

Through the nothing

And close

Lashes brush against my cheek

The body sleeps

But I

I am not there

I am somewhere above

Somewhere more

Somewhere

Where I can't remember.

So for now

I can forget

And that,

That is bliss.

Scream

Carly Floyd

3/29/10

This chill

Goes deep

I want to scream.

Because there's nothing I can say

Or do

So I just sit here and take it.

Even when I want to go home

Lay in bed

Sleep and forget.

But I'm bound here

So I just imagine.

(Try)

To fade into the shadows.

Shattered

Carly Floyd

3/29/10

There is a grain of truth

In every hurtful lie.

So silently I sit

Passing time goes by.

And dreaming empty days

For shattered thoughts I cry.

And in this darkened room

My heart begins to die.

Sweater

Carly Floyd

3/29/10

Cold, gray world outside the window

Biting winds shake the panes.

Inside, the cold still reaches me

The blood freezes in my veins.

This inner cold is chilling

Blankets don't keep the heat.

And though I clutch my sweater to my skin

My heart flutters in a fragile beat.

I dream of hidden sunshine

Of fire in the hearth

And suddenly, I feel it

A subtle sense of warmth.

I cuddle in my blanket

Me in my sweater here

And even with the storm outside

In my cocoon, I have no fear.

My Secret

Carly Floyd

3/29/10

Smile

Secret smile

Secret flutter of the heart.

Cause I lie

When I talk to you

I can't even start.

I love

Say I love you

And you will never know.

For you're more

Than I can give you

So now it's time to go.

You

Carly Floyd

3/29/10

You are the reason my blood runs

For my heart beats inly for you.

You are the light in my eyes

For the stars shine when I see you.

You are the spring in my step

As I hurry to get to you.

You are my sweet smile

From the joy when I talk to you.

You are

All the best in me.

Think of me

Carly Floyd

3/29/10

I speak to you

About you

Shows I care.

I share with you

About you

Shows I'm here.

You

You never even think of me.

Do you?

Situation

By Carly Floyd

3/25/10

This out of body feeling

Took me by surprise.

Is this me I'm feeling?

I can't believe my eyes.

This isn't me- it can't be.

I'm not this kind of girl!

But still, I know, it's happening.

This thing, I know, it's real.

Through the fog around me

I find the will to stop.

To leave this situation

And find which way is up.

Cold

3/18/10

By Carly Floyd

Spring is here

Walking home

Only weeks left in school.

Trees sway.

Sun shines.

God smiles upon the earth.

But I,

I am hurt.

And I promised myself

I wouldn't cry until I got home.

Away from all these people.

Usually

This weather fills me with joy

But I can only remember

All the things that were said.

The comments people made.

Like I couldn't hear.

Like it didn't even matter.

As the wind plays with my hair

And warmth fills me

I want to scream.

I don't want to cheer up!
I can't forget what happened,

Just because the birds sing.

Just because I hear children laughing in the park.

Even though the sun beats down on me,

It doesn't touch me.

Inside, I am cold.

Sighting

When I dream

I dream of you

I see your face in solitude.

And you're here

Standing there

See the wind flying through your hair.

And suddenly, it comes to me

I remember all we used to be

And I wonder

Do you ever think of me?

And yet I stay

Out if sight

And you, none the wiser.

But I was there

In the shadows

Seeking proof that you really do live

Outside of my imagination.

Untitled

By Carly Floyd

2/24/10

Walking in a haze of my own

reality

Listening to my soul-song

Ahead, my friends

I want to pass them

invisible

to avoid the

inevitable

"What's wrong" the

caring glances.

When I'm fine.

I wear this face because it's beautiful

but they only see a frown.

Brace yourself.

Butterfly Kisses

A veined blue-purple

Shot through with cracks of white

Like I'm inside a crystal

Or behind a wall of

Colored Glass

Chill inside my sanctuary

There's nowhere left to go and

A silent tear

Travels down my cheek

To fall on the marble beneath me

And I wait for months

Wait to emerge

To Become

Something more than what I am

More than me

And I sit

Bated breath

My only distraction in

The fragile butterfly wings

Brushing against my cheek

And finally, I can see beauty

3/3/10

-Carly Floyd

Hunger

By Carly Floyd

8/9/09

There's a venom in my subconscious that

swims beneath the surface.

Like hellbent ravens

Chasing victims to their deaths.

Like decapitated, mutilated children.

Like a poison, it spreads

Like cancer,

Eating away at me from within.

This thing, destroying me,

as much as it is me.

It is me. It.

IT

IS

HUNGRY.

Pink Glitter Girl

By Carly Floyd

1/17/10

Pale pink glitter fragments

Laying on the floor.

Broken into pieces

Not breathing anymore,

No longer dreams of fairies

All purple pink and gold,

No dreaming of a princess

High in castles cold.

Shiny yellow ringlets

Hair spread out all around.

The blush is slowly fading

Her blood spread on the ground.

In tattered strips of chiffon

She lays, a dusty rose.

Pale lips forever parted

But why, nobody knows.

So say goodbye to innocence

I see the tears you cry.

For, five years old, a little girl

Is far too young to die.

I'm Fine

By Carly Floyd

12/27/09

For all the burdens layed on me by

Them I cannot bring

myself to let them see

my Pain.

I feel sad

almost always and yet I

hide it through shallow

smiles that don't

reach my eyes.

But they don't

notice because they don't want

to pretend their world

isn't perfect.

Even if they go through the

motions of asking what's

wrong, they don't want to

know.

They're fooling themselves.

So I only break down at

night, and the tears fall onto my

pillow and glue my eyes shut until

the morning when I put on my mask,

however fragile the disguise.

Visions of the Future

By Carly Floyd

12/27/09

At night, when sleep escapes me, and

My brain will not quiet, I think of what

My future might be like.

I imagine a dark apartment

A brooding woman over a glass of wine

Reflecting on past promises that did not bear fruit.

Wishing perhaps to attract pity,

If only in desperate need of attention,

But there is no one to notice her darkened heart.

This loneliness is not imagined or thought,

It is real.

Finally something to complain about,

Not just the dark musings of one who loves the black.

But no one to see her waste away.

If a spinster dies unknown in a darkened

room, did she ever really die?

Or never truly live?

The truth lies in the latter, I think, and

such is my future, alone.

Phone Call

By Carly Floyd

12/27/09

They say holidays are a time of reflection

Laughing with family,

I am interrupted in my joy and warmth

by a phone call

made, steeped in loneliness

Guilt

I am forced, through my own morals

to bear their pain

I am pain

And nothing but the collective burdens of

My loved ones.

I only wish someone would notice.

Father

By Carly Floyd

12/27/09

he is the unpredictable terror

a storm

always clouds -

fragile hints of what might come

in the fury he can unleash

with very simple cause

like a butterfly taking flight

in a distant place.

sometimes, it takes quickly.

other times it stews and

flashes, thunders, hails

rattles window frames.

sometimes I wish it would

break the glass and

let the wind and rain

fly in and

carry me away.

but the tempest always stops

before I have anything substantial

to fear.

constant paranoia.

I know now to always wear a raincoat

and ward against the sleet.

for a storm will always be

just on the horizon.

Star

By Carly Floyd

11/30/09

The soul is a star

When you die,

it floats

to the sky.

To be there forever.

Or at least until the last memory of you

is gone.

And then the star will fade

No longer lighting the dark

And that is truly death.

Repetition

By Carly Floyd

11/16/09

Every day

Wake up and shake off the sleep

Get out of bed

And place my bare feet on the floor

Warmth fades away

Get dressed

The day begins

School

Dante was wrong-

There are 8 levels of hell

Hour 1

Hour 2

Hour 3

Still fighting

Hour 4

Hour 5

Hour 6

Almost there

Hour 7

Hour 8

Finally, the bell rings

Walk home, lug the heavy backpack

Make a home on the sofa

Revel in the freedom

Until

Homework for hours

Time for bed

Nighttime routine

Unwind in the blankets

Grateful sleep

Zzzzz

Morning.

And it starts again.

I hate this.

Face the Day

By Carly Floyd

11/16/09

I want to give up

Because this world is cruel

Reliving moments that make me cringe

Make me want to disappear.

I want to start over

Start fresh

Erase everything I've done

Or thought.

Living is hard

And I want to crawl back in bed

Pull the drapes

And go to sleep

Forever.

In the darkness I'm okay

I can imagine

I'm back in the womb

And I am new

Without my scars.

But the truth?

I still have to wake up

And face the day

And the people out there

If I can.

November

By Carly Floyd

11/16/09

Morning Quiet

Chill Winds

Weak sunlight shining through.

Grass

Blades

The color of mint

From the ice crystals clinging to

Them.

Wisps of visible breath

In the

Air.

A promise of snow

Coming

Soon.

Captured Words

So many words I want to form

Around this feeling

Capture this moment in text

But is there anything that has not

Been said?

Scared

Of cliches

Of predictability

Of trite, overused ideas.

I want to do this justice.

I think

Maybe

There are some things that cannot be told

They must be felt

As they are

...sacred?

Then is a poet's job

Impossible, pointless?

Or noble?

Either way

I give up

And give in

To this moment.

-Carly Floyd

11/16/09

Don't Feel Right

It is the beginning

But this feeling

Isn't right.

Already, I regret

And I dread seeing

My guy.

We're only just together

So why can I so clearly

See us apart?

It's all I can focus on

And I have to

Hide

My

Heart

From you.

- Carly Floyd

11/13/09

The Boyfriend Poem

Girl meets boy

And finds she likes him

This cute and funny guy.

They end up talking

Fondness grows

She dreams until it hurts.

She thinks she wants him

To be hers

She thinks she's ready.

She flirts and laughs

And smiles a lot

And one day, he asks her out.

Suddenly reality hits

She's lost without a clue.

"This is awkward!

What do I say?!

I don't know what to do!"

This is

A first for her

She's scared and skittish here

Regretting ever falling hard

Because now she's got to follow through.

Butterflies all over

It's hard to face the day

There, that's him, he's here now

"I don't know what to say!"

Uneasy feelings of remorse

"What did I get into?"

The wish to just go back a week

To before any of this...

Wait.

Stop.

This isn't right.

"I shouldn't feel this way."

She thinks.

"I should enjoy my boyfriend

Not rue the day he asked me!

But I can't help the way I feel

And I feel trapped with him!"

Three weeks go by, she tries

But finally it's time to say:

"It's not fair to lead you on.

I don't feel the same.

I thought I did but now I know

Just know you're not to blame!

I know that I'm not being fair

But I can't help my feelings

I'm sorry - you did nothing wrong

It's me that needs the healing

I hope you know I'm sorry

Can we still be friends?

I still think that you're really sweet

I'd hate if this were the end."

She wrote a letter saying so

And made it very sweet

She gave it to him

Heavy heart

Wait for him to read.

Tick, tock, the clock goes by

Full of nervous feelings.

Finally she sees him

Angry glint in his eyes.

"Make it clear!"

He says to her

"What are you trying to say?"

"I'm breaking up with you.

I'm sorry I feel this way."

If looks could kill she would be dead

"I knew it." he said.

He walks away, here yelling after him

"Don't talk to me!" Instead.

All day she is ignores

Except for poison glances

The guilt is crippling

But, strangest thing

Her butterflies are clearing.

She feels much better in her heart

She is finally free

No man to have to live for

"I can finally be me!"

So though her ex still hates her

And prob'ly always will

She can't help her grinning

It's the way she's meant to be.

- Carly Floyd

11/12/09

Inspiration

So many gray months without

Expression.

Sitting

Thinking

Pen to paper and...

Nothing.

Just an ink dot.

The trash is overflowing with

Failures.

Frustration and anger

When

Suddenly

Clouds lift outside

And sunlight illuminates the blank

Sheet.

A breeze stirs the long stagnant air

I

Inhale

Finally, fresh life

And I know

Pen to the paper

Words

Are

Born.

- Carly FLoyd

11/11/09

Piano

In the beginning was the silence

Chills

Pregnant air, heavy with anticipation

Fingers raise, and settle tentatively on the keys

Hands take on the familiar patterns

Cool to the touch

Wait

Breathe

And begin to play

Softly at first

Eyes closed to the haunting melody

Then with force, and a passion

Soulful singing sound

Heart-wrenching notes of the climax

So beautiful

Tears

Falling notes

Softer, slower

Ending

The finality of the last note still hangs overhead

Ghosts of sound

Breathe

Stand and bow

(Invisible Audience)

And leave

Footsteps echo in the empty room

And the hush falls once again

- Carly Floyd

11/11/09

Insomnia

Lay in bed, awake again

Moonlight shinig on my face

Alarm clock numbers rising

Thinking thoughts that will not rest.

Turn right and left and back again

Fluff the pillows, sigh.

This vicious cycle will not end.

Because I still lie

Awake.

I'm tired, but my eyes won't close

The numbers, ticking higher

Red lights blur

My tired eyes focus

And I panic, because I know

I'll be exhausted tomorrow.

I'm so tired of being tired!

When will it end?

Because I'm still awake...

- Carly FLoyd

10/23/09